Fuck it, We'll Do It Live

Last week: 7-7
Season total: 53-36
ATS: 5-9
Season ATS: 47-41

Last week was unimpressive, but there were a lot of upsets so cut me some fucking slack, alright? I'm gonna keep this brief due to library time constraints...and the fact that I know live four blocks away from the beach and don't want to waste a Saturday afternoon.

Tennessee(5-0) at Kansas City(1-4)+9
I'm still not entirely convinced the Titans are good, but they're definitely better than the Chiefs. Titans 17, Chiefs 13

San Diego(3-3) at Buffalo(4-1)NL
The Muffaloes snuck through an easy schedule early, but will be exposed when they hit the meat of their schedule. It starts this week. Bolts 31, Buffaloes 24

Pittsburgh(4-1) at Cincinnati(0-6)+10
Chad Johnson made an attempt to get back in the Bengals' gameplan this week by taking responsibility for his 'diva' comments before the season. Come on, Chad. You're one of the only players that's actually forthright with his thinking. Don't run away from your feelings. Steelers 20, Bengals 16

Baltimore(2-3) at Miami(3-3)-3
These wildcat formation shenanigans are gonna stop working sooner or later. Not this week though. God, McGahee sucks. Phins 22, Ravens 17

Dallas(4-2) at St. Louis(1-4)NL
Vegas doesn't want to put a line on this game thanks to Romo's pulled gyne. Pussies. Cowboys 24, Rams 23

Minnesota(3-3) at Chicago(3-3)-3
AP won't be able to run. Whoever is passing for the Vikes won't be able to pass. The Bears can't decide how good they are this year. Fuck. Bears 12, Vikes 7

New Orleans(3-3) at Carolina(4-2)-3
The Aints put on a show last week, but it was against the Raiders. Let's see how he does against a defense that's usually worth a damn. Saints 28, Panthers 27

San Francisco(2-4) at New York Giants(4-1)-10.5
The Giants are finally down from their euphoric Super Bowl high and announcers have stopped blowing Eli Manning. Thank God. Giants 31, 49ers 20

Detroit(0-5) at Houston(1-4)-9.5
No. Texans 32, Detroit 25

New York Jets(3-2) at Oakland(1-4)+3
Favre is lighting it up and Al Davis is single-handedly running Oakland into a giant pile of shit. He really needs to just keel over already. Jets 28, Oakland 15

Cleveland(2-3) at Washington(4-2)-7.5
Washington is going to want to get into the win column and the Browns will oblige. They already met this season's quota of upsets with last week's win over the Giants. Redskins 28, Browns 24

Indianapolis(3-2) at Green Bay(3-3)+2
The Pack may not be back yet, but at least they're in a division where 8-8 could get them to the playoffs. Colts 28, Pack 21

Seattle(1-4) at Tampa Bay(4-2)-11
The Seahawks are awful, but Seneca Wallace will at least make this game respectable. I know because I used to play with him in Madden. I'd stock up on all the other positions, then take him in the 43rd or so round and run around with him. Anyways, he'll make it respectable. And by that I mean they won't lose by 40. Bucs 34, Seahawks 14

Denver(4-2) at New England(3-2)-3
I'm sure Kraft and Belichick have already written this season off. Broncs 28, Pats 27

And here's a little something for the kiddies: