Fuck It, We'll Do it College Then

By Codeman

So, it turns out I'm not worth a shit in the pro ranks. Ok. I can tell when I suck some massive J-Timbo donkey balls. I gave it a good run though and, truth be told, my record is still better than the majority of those fucking hacks on ESPN. But I guess they've earned the right by being bludgeoned stupid by 300-pound men for the majority of their lives.

Forget about it. I'm gonna go back to one of my true loves. No, not my hand. I'm talking about college football. I'm gonna give my Top-25 picks for the remaining weeks of the season. This will also allow time for me to give other ruminating commentary bits...which I'm sure you guys are just dying for.
Without further ado:
1. Texas (vs. No. 6 Oklahoma State): Yeah...we fucking get it, the Big-12 is good this year. But not they're not thatgood. The Cowboys have won one legitimate game this year...and they're going to get rolled up and smoked like Coffee Shop Dave's finest this week. Longhorns 42, Cowboys 14

2. Alabama (at Tennessee): Frankly, I have no idea how Fulmer's squads have ever warranted a Top-25 ranking. Tide 45, Vols 21

3. Penn State (at No. 9 Ohio State): Here's a differing opinion: Both of these teams are quality and deserve to make a BCS game. Yeah, you heard me right. Put them against one of those glorified Big-12 teams in a BCS game. I fucking dare you. Lions 27, Buckeyes 23

4. Oklahoma (at Kansas State): To Sooner faithful, Sam Bradford might as well be the second coming of Kenny Chesney. Sooners 63, Wildcats 21

5. USC (at Arizona): I absolutely hate that the media is building this up as a tough game for the Trojans. Trojans 45, Pussies 24

6. Oklahoma State (at Texas): This team has no place in the Top-10...ever.

7. Georgia (at No. 13 LSU): I have a 'roided up roommate that is somehow under the illusion that the Bulldogs are going to make the national championship this season. But I'm not a retard like him...at least, I don't think so. Tigers 23, Dogs 20

8. Texas Tech (at No. 23 Kansas): The Red Raiders are going to meet their maker soon enough...but not this week. Raiders 56, Jayhawks 48

9. Ohio State (Penn State): Pryor has some work to do to keep up with the Nittany Lions' O.

10. Florida (Kentucky): If Andre Woodson graduated, why are the Wildcats 5-2? They must be confused. Gators 42, Cats 28

11. Utah: Using a much-deserved bye week. You know what sucks? An Ohio State, Penn State, LSU or Georgia loss really wouldn't do too much for the Utes. They need that and seven different flavors of other shit to happen to move up the ranks.

12. Boise State (San Jose State): I'm not going to lie. This game was well over before I started writing it, but I promise I was gonna pick the Broncos. Why the fuck wouldn't I? Broncs 35, Spartans 21

13. LSU (No. 7 Georgia): The SEC is getting more press than it deserves this year.

14. TCU (Wyoming): The Frogs can help their own case by beating the shit out of every team left on their schedule. So...do it, Horned Frogs...Do it! Frogs 52, Cowboys 24

15. Missouri (Colorado): Looks like a great quarterback can't make up for 20 other shit starters (Maclin is ok). Buffaloes 24, Tigers 23

16. South Florida (at Louisville): I have no idea how the Bulls got such a great reputation. One decent pass rusher and...poof!...top-10 ranking. I fucking hate rankings. Bulls 24, Cardinals 2

17. Pittsburgh (Rutgers): I've never seen a team fall off faster than Rutgers. Panthers 27, Knights 14

18.Georgia Tech (Virginia): Either way, this game is gonna be close. Jackets 23, Cavaliers 20 OT

19. Tulsa (Central Florida): Despite being a proponent of non-BCS schools, it's hard to say the Hurricane belong in BCS game talks. They're so fucking small-time it's ridiculous. It's alright though because they know how to score points. Hurricane 56, Knights 34

20. Ball State (Eastern Michigan): The Cardinals can't do anything but win their games. Too bad an undefeated season won't be worth shit to them in December. Cardinals 42, Eagles 20

21. BYU (UNLV): The Cougars' season is in a downward spiral now. So help them Joseph Smith, they better figure their shit out quick. Cougs 42, Rebels 23

22. Northwestern (at Indiana): Northwestern? How the fuck did they get in there? That must be a typo. Wildcats 32, Hoosiers 25

23. Kansas (Texas Tech): The Fat-ass J's can prove a lot this week with a win, but I just can't see it happening.

24. Minnesota (at Purdue): I can't see the Gophers sneaking by the Boilermakers. For Christ's sake, they make Boilers!!! Purdue 45, Gophers 34

25. Florida State (Virginia Tech): This is gonna be a close one. Hokies 28, Seminoles 27


I'll leave you with some of Ted Dibiase's brilliance: