Naming The Miami Conglomeration of Douche

We've got a douche-zoot riot yeeeahhhhhhhh...

When it comes to dishing out legit nicknames, sports journalists are pretty atrocious. I know because I used to be one and I never came up with anything good.

You'd think with all of the creative writing they do, coming up with worthwhile monikers would come naturally. Nope. You're wrong. All of their energy is instead spent on important shit like writing game recaps and midweek notebooks.

Seriously, think of one worthy epithet nowadays. When Boston initially boasted the douchey triumvirate that still reeks today, we came up with oh-so-clever 'The Big Three'. Really nailed that one. Let's see here. A famous left-handed golfer is dubbed 'Lefty', the best basketball player in history is known by his initials and Denver Nugget forward Carmello Anthony is known as 'Mello' (you see what they did there? They took the last five letters of his first name and made it his nickname. From the M to the....well...you'll find it).

It seems like the only good nicknames come from a player's youth or from the player himself. A certain Bengals receiver comes to mind. 'King' James is pretty solid but I'm pretty sure LBJ23 got that in middle school. Adrian Peterson's All-Day nickname came from his dad. Shaq has a new nickname for every team he plays for.

Anyways, I'm sure some assbag at the Miami Herald will come up with something equally corny along 'The Big Three' lines. Just in case they want a couple suggestions though, I'm here for them.


Lebron's Merry Band Of Circlejerking Buttpirates
Ok, this one definitely isn't PC enough for mainstream media but we could just use the ol' LMBCB acronym for short.

Hot Hot Hot Heat
Get it? With the three hots? They only have three players? And the Heat nickname? The pathetic thing is that I'm just joking with this one but I can see somebody running with it.

Super Bad Ass Team Full of Dudes Who Are Wicked Awesome at Putting the Roundball in the Hoopy
I don't really know what I was going for here.

Team Miami
Succinct and to the point. Go Team Miami Go.

Riley's Slickbacks
This one sounds oddly racist but I meant for it to be mocking coach Pat Riley's hair.

South Beach Sell Outs
Because you are about to be inundated without a countless amount of tools rocking Heat swag.

NWO
Because Lebron pulled a Hogan and turned heel. Dig it.

Three's Company: Miami
For obvious reasons.

Miami Thrice
I saved the best for last. I may actually be onto something with this one. Mark my words...somebody is going to steal this from me and take it big time. I'm watching you Dan Le Batard. Shit. Just google searched it and Bleacher Report (not to mention several others) beat me to the punch on this.