If the U.S. actually gave a shit about soccer ...

The other day, while taking in a Galaxy-Dynamo darby at the pitch in L.A., we talked about who would play which positions if the U.S. actually gave a crap about futbol.

Here are a couple possibles for position playings if such a dream were ever to be materialized. And for the record, yes, I had to look up how many people are actually on a soccer field at one time. It's 11.

Let's do it:

F - Allen Iverson: Even in his 30s, he could bust some ankles. This might actually be a good career move for him, what with the Grizzlies not working out. Who didn't see that one coming? Also, he's a renown flopper. Gotta have at least a couple of those in soccer. Too bad Manu Ginobili is Argentinean.

F - Reggie Bush: Lots of room to run on a soccer field, Reggie. Feel free to roam sideline to sideline with that game-breaking speed.

F - Shane Victorino: Somehow we've got to get a baseball player in here to show that they are athletes, too. In a way. This may be the only spot. While we don't exactly want a David Wells type, there are a few other speed demons out there that could work as well: Carl Crawford, Juan Pierre, Michael Bourn.

M - LeBron James: Not much the King can't do on a basketball court. Throw him on a soccer field already. Why don't they have taller guys on the pitch to win all those headers?

M - Percy Harvin: Really, isn't this game of futbol 99 percent about speed? Outrun the other guy with your quicks and learn how to center it. Can't be that hard. That's how it works for Kyle on FIFA, at least. DeSean Jackson also falls into this camp.

M - Derek Jeter: OK, so here's another baseball player. Let's stick him in the midfield, where he can set up others with his clutch play. Vintage Jee-tah. Plus, he already passes the WAGs test with his impressive dating resume.

M - Tiger Woods: OK, so it's not a natural fit with his gimpy knee and all, but I wanted to throw him in here so I could include a 'Kobe special' reference. That might require a post of its own. As far as I'm concerned, Tiger's Q-factor just skyrocketed.

D - Oguchi Onyewu: And he's actually plays soccer. The guy's a beast; he's got tree trunks for legs. He could play middle backer in the NFL.

D - Ray Lewis: Seriously, who's gonna want to bring it into the box on Crazy Ray? If only soccer was a contact sport. He'd be red-carded and tossed in no time.

D - Adrian Peterson: Gotta find a spot for him. He's too ripped not to be out there. Add Andre Johnson to this list.

G - Chris "The Birdman" Andersen: We needed a white guy somewhere, and here makes the most sense (other than the bench). He's long, strong and about to get the freak shit on. Also would have accepted Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard, Chris Bosh.

Reserves:

Chad Ocho Cinco: Child, please. What would be his goal celebration be like? Imagine the possibilities.

Peyton Manning: He'll find some way to out-scheme the defenders with his unnecessary hand gestures/Tourette's. Just leave Eli at home. We don't want him.

Eric Weddle: We gotta have one Ute in here. Steve Smith is fading, so the nod goes to Weddle.

Tim Tebow: He can be our college representative, a la Christian Laettner with the Dream Team. He won't see the field much, but it'll be good to have him around. Raises the moral fiber of the team.