Cody's Awesome Picks That Are Totally Way Better Than Jeremy's Stupid Spiral Notes Picks

I forgot to put my picks up the first two weeks, but have no fear because I'm a recovering gambling addict who isn't trying too hard. Honestly, I picked them on another site.
Here's my record after two weeks. In week one, I was 11-5 straight up and 9-7 against the spread. In week two, I was 10-5 straight up and 8-6 against the spread.

Here are this week's picks:

Kansas City(0-2) at Atlanta(1-1)
Who really gives a shit? Atlanta 24, Kansas City 10

Oakland(1-1) at Buffalo(2-0)
Another impressive win for the Buffs over the Jags last week. How long can they stay undefeated? My guess is week seven against the Chargers. Buffalo 31, Oakland 17

Tampa Bay(1-1) at Chicago(1-1)
Hmmm...A Brian Griese-led Bucs team or a Kyle Orton-led Bears team. Do I have to pick one? Can I just move to the next pick? Bears 13, Bucs 10

Houston(0-1) at Tennessee(2-0)
As they were a season ago, I expect the Titans to be on the cusp of the postseason at the end of the year. Houston, meanwhile, needs to stop thinking a defensive line can win it all its games. Titans 20, Texans 6

Carolina(2-0) at Minnesota (0-2)
How's that sexy Vikings Super Bowl pick looking now SI/ESPN/Everybody else? Jackson is one step below an epileptic junior varsity quarterback, so Minnesota will improve with him riding the pine in Steve Smith's season debut. Vikings 27, Panthers 24 OT

Miami(0-2) at New England (2-0)
I couldn't believe it when the Jets were favored last week. I would've easily thrown a fun ticket down on the Pats if I were near a sports book. They are still the class of the AFC. Pats 38, Phins 7

Cincinnati(0-2) at New York Giants (2-0)
Ocho Cinco needs to catch el fucking ball-o. Til then, shut your mouth. Meanwhile, the Giants appear to still be in post-season form. Giants 33, Bungals 14

Arizona(2-0) at Washington(1-1)
Kurt Warner is just too damn old and I'm just too damn tan. Skins 28, Cards 14

Detroit(0-2) at San Francisco(1-1)
God, there are some absolutely terrible games this week. 49ers 21, Lions 20

St. Louis(0-2) at Seattle(0-2)
It continues. Seahawks 24, Rams 17

New Orleans(1-1) at Denver (2-0)
Despite having more weapons than Petraeus, Drew Brees still can't find the endzone. That'll change this week because neither of these teams is a big fan of playing defense. Fleur de Lis 38, Broncs 35

Pittsburgh(2-0) at Philadelphia(1-1)
I don't get it. The Eagles have the same players that they did a season ago, but now they don't suck nearly as bad. What gives? The Eagles win it by a touchdown so long as Desean Jackson holds on to the damn ball til after he crosses the goal line. Eagles 24, Steelers 17

Jacksonville(0-2) at Indianapolis(1-1)
Peyton Manning played with a glorified Mountain West Conference line (and not BYU's) and still figured out a way to beat the Vikes last week. Expect more gold for him this week unless Jones-Drew and Taylor sack up. Colts 20, Jags 16

Cleveland(0-2) at Baltimore(1-0)
I keep thinking the Browns are going to figure their shit out and they keep disappointing. Meanwhile, Hurricane Ike derailed any chance of Willis McGahee scoring last week, thus fucking up my chances of beating Andy in fantasy football. For that, Hurricane Ike joins cancer, ketchup and Ryan Seacrest on my list of things that should just fuck off. Brown stains 28, Baltimore 17

Dallas(2-0) at Green Bay(2-0)
I have a full-on erection just thinking about this game. Rodgers kept the Pack in it last year when Brett screwed the pooch so I'm cautiously optimistic about our chances. I'm sure T.O. has something in store for Green Bay fans, so let's hope he stays out of the endzone. Pack 34, Cowboys 33

New York Jets(1-1) at San Diego (0-2)
Wahhhhh!!!! That's all the crybaby San Diego fans calling for Ed Hochuli's job. He made one fucking mistake. The call was in a crucial situation, but he has been one of the best referees in the league for a long time. The Chargers need to nut up and act like they have the "best roster in the NFL" like everyone always claims. Speaking of growing balls, let's hope Eric Mangyna allows Favre to throw five passes this week. Chargers 31, Jets 17