Hey Styles, where's the stash?

I was laying in bed last night thinking about which jedi I would be if I were born in the distant future and was kind of hitting a wall.
I don't have enough knowledge tokens to be Yoda. I'm not evil enough to be The Emperor/Lord Sidious. I could be the guy that looks like the predator or the giant conehead, but both of those guys got assfucked by a bunch of no-talent ass clones so that's a no-go. I know Jeremy would say I'm the biggest bitch in the Star Wars saga, aka C-3P0, but nobody respects anything Jeremy says so we'll discard that idea (He's not even a jedi you idiot Jeremy). Rorbagger would probably say I'm one of the no-name castmembers that gets cut down in the massive coup de etat on Geonosis. Kyle would probably say I'm Mace Windu, but I'm not black, so that's no good. I guess the only real comparison I can make to myself is the pin-neck guy on the jedi council who never says anything. I'm far beyond useless, and probably shouldn't ever speak.
You may be asking yourself what the hell any of this has to do with sports. Well, you see, the thing about ethics is...fuck, I've derailed.
Here are my tourney picks for the rest of the way. I can't even try to bridge the gap between college basketball and Star Wars...or can I?

Yoda
The most experienced and powerful of all involved, North Carolina has shown dominance in the first two rounds of the tournament and will easily move into the elite eight. Washington State is a scrappy team, but they just don't have enough talent to measure up to Hansbrough and Co. The Heels will face a tough challenge in Louisville, who is everyone's sexy pick for the Final Four itself, but Duke Ellington will light up the 3-point line and point, set, match will go to the mastermind Roy Williams.

Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader
I would love to pick Wisconsin or Davidson to the Final Four, but Kansas is just too powerful and strong with the dark side. They will become the greatest of all (teams in the midwest region) when it is said and done. All others will bow at Darth Self's feet. Rush hits shots like they're going out of style and the Jayhawks' intense defense will push them on to San Antonio. The Badgers will make a tough matchup for the Jays on Sunday, but Butch and Steeeezzma will pull their vag muscle when it matters and Self's crew will take over as the most powerful program in the universe (again, just the midwest region).

Luke Skywalker
Young, athletic, and may eventually be the greatest when the history books are written, the Bruins appear to be headed for another Final Four berth. Kevin Love, Richard MMMbah Aminyoutay, Russell Westbrook, the list of stars just keeps on going. Yeah, they struggled in the second round against Texas A&M, but so did Luke against the training module early on. Love is a shot-blocking/rebounding/point-scoring machine who single-handedly saved the game against the Aggies. His versatility makes a tough matchup for anybody in the tournament. Westbrook...well...just look him up on youtube. I can't add anything that his clips won't show you.

Han Solo
A scrappy unit who always finds a way to come through when it's needed most and is deadly with a blaster in its hands, Texas will sneak past the stormtroopers from Memphis and find its way into the Final Four. Although it's debatable, Texas could have the toughest run to San Antonio, having to go through the trees at Stanford, then dealing with the speed and athleticism of Memphis or Michigan State (much like Han Solo trying to navigate the asteroid field). Solo's high-stake sabacc background has given him plenty of experience in high-pressure situations, which is exactly what it will be this weekend.


The rest of the supporting cast-
That little rat looking thing in Yoda's palace/flying space craft-Davidson (Because it is flying straight for the pit of cocoon).
Boba Fett, Boba Fett, where?-Stanford (Because it will get beat by Texas/Han Solo in a thriller)
Obi-Wan Kenobi-Western Kentucky (Because it's fucking dead)
Princess Amidala in full ceremonial makeup-Wisconsin (Because it's the whitest team ever)
Chewbacca-Stanford (Tall, hairy, just like the Lopezes)
Mace Windu- Xavier (Umm, no comment)
R2-D2our- Louisville (They have a huge database of knowlege [see Rick Pitino])
C-3PO- West Virginia (Stiff, gold color)
Princess Leia- Tennessee (Connect from long distance. I know it's a stretch but I'm running out of ideas)
Emperor- Memphis (Experienced, powerful, black [cloak, not skin color...racist])
Lando Calrissian- Michigan State (They're slick, good with the ladies, but have a tendency to sell themselves short of their capabilities).
Jar Jar Binks-Nova (Nobody knows how it found its way onto the set or got any face time, but everybody realized it was a mistake shortly after and cuts its air time)