Vegas baby, Vegas

Fucking Vince Vaughn.

That asshole coins the term 'Vegas baby' and all of a sudden I'm shitfaced drunk at a blackjack table at 7 a.m. having long since lost my ass/college tuition money. The only solace I have is the sexy Crown & Coke in front of me and the mere notion that the cocktail waitress is throwing shit at me (put there by my jackass brother Cook).

Needless to say, she wasn't throwing shit at me. I said something about bullseyeing womprats in my T-16 back home and she scattered. The worst part is that I had to head to the Thomas & Mack Center an hour later to write about some asinine basketball game that obviously nobody gives a shit about. I mean, Mountain West Conference women's basketball? Come on. I'd rather sit and watch a rock. Or masking tape.

After four consecutive days of drinking, gambling and absolutely no sleep, I feel like I've just been shat out by Rob Van Dam. Yeah, I feel like Rob Van Dam's shit.

That being said, I've got some thoughts on MWC basketball tournament:

1. What the fuck? As in, what the fuck took Luke Nevill so long to play like he had his own set of balls between his legs. Did it really just take him an entire conference season to realize that he was six inches taller than every other player in any given game and could basically score at will? That worthless piece of shit posted 26 against New Mexico. He still rebounds like a pussy though. If he somehow finds some passion for hitting the boards, Utah is going to be a good team next season.

2. Speaking of what the fuck, What the fuck was the matter with the U women's basketball team? I'm not buying the whole 'got that one out of our system' mentality. That loss was stupid. Utah made Amaka Uzomah look like Dennis Rodman...minus three feet and plus 200 pounds.

3. Holy shit. As in, holy shit that girl from San Diego State that I saw in the elevator on Friday is hot. I'm pretty sure she plays for the team. I'll get back to you on this once I visit facebook.


4. J.R. Giddens. As in, J.R. Giddens is good at basketball. Like, really fucking good. He had at least four or five did-you-see-that-fucking-dunk plays throughout the course of the quarterfinal game against Utah. Two specific plays that stick out in my mind: An alley-oop cross-court dunk in regulation and a tomahawk on that waste of talent Nevill.

5. Clutch. As in, give Wink Adams the ball in the clutch. The guy gives UNLV a comeback win against TCU with a pair of free throws at the end in regulation, then comes back and buries the Utes with 20 points, then finishes the Cougars off in the championship with a barrage of late 3-pointers. If the Rebs move in the NCAA tournament, it will be his doing.

6. Is. As in, Curtis Terry is also clutch (Sorry, I didn't want to use the word clutch twice). I heard everybody talking shit about this guy leading up to the tournament. What the fuck do they have to say now? Terry absolutely killed Utah, then was ice when it mattered late against BYU. He's so fucking money, and he doesn't even know it.

7. Dude, how fucking easy is it to stop Trent Plaisted? As in...fuck. Seriously, the guy has one fucking hand and he doesn't even crash the boards that hard.

8. Most valuable player: UNLV's Rene Rougeau. The guy was all over the place, rebounding more than Nevill and scoring as much as Plaisted.

9. Least valuable player: SDSU's Lorrenzo Wade. Yeah, he won the game for the Aztecs against Air Force, but he averaged just 11 points per game on the tournament. How the fuck does a team win games when its star plays like me?

10. BYU and UNLV were both awarded No. 8 seeds for their efforts. I still haven't figured out what exactly what that means in concerns to respect for the MWC, but the chance that the two teams could play a No. 1 in the second round is pretty exciting. I think I have a boner.

11. Yes, it's definitely a boner.