Spiral Notes

By Jeremy
Last Week: Shitty
Against-the-spread: awful
Season total: Bad
Season ATS: Worse
Lock-of-the-week: 1 and fucking 3
Fine. Fine. Fine. I was 2 and 11 last week. Are you happy? My confidence is rattled like never before. In fact, if you're a gambler, I recommend doing the opposite of everything I say. Because while 2-11 may be historically shitty, 11-2 can make you some money.

Chicago(3-1) -3 at Carolina(0-4)
The Julius Peppers Bowl. Also: Who cares? Bears 35, Panthers 34
Atlanta(3-1) -3 at Cleveland(1-3)
Its my Take-it-to-Wendover-Lock-of-the-Week: Falcons 17, Browns 2
Green Bay(3-1) -3 at Washington(2-2)
Another imperfect win for GB. Pack 39, Washington 29
St. Louis(2-2) at Detroit(0-4) -3
Its the Toilet Bowl. Loins 16, Rams 13
Kansas City(3-0) at Indianapolis(2-2) -9
Its a little early for those cranky fuckers in Miami to be popping the champagne, but: Colts 24, Chefs 14
Denver(2-2) at Baltimore(3-1) -7
The Broncos aren't good, but they are interesting. Baltimore was ranked #1 this week in the Jeremy power poll that I keep threatening to publish. Ravens 37, Broncs 24
Tampa Bay(2-1) at Cincinnati(2-2) -7
Carson Palmer has been a disaster all year, but their defense + TO + Ocho has bailed them out. Bengals 35, Buccs 26
Jacksonville(2-2) -2 at Buffalo(0-4)
Ugg. Jags 31, Bills 21
NY Giants(2-2) at Houston(3-1) -3
A team that has played crisply every game, at home against a team that has been Parowan Rams-level sloppy each week. Texans 17, Giants 8
New Orleans(3-1) -7 at Atlanta(2-2)
Fuck the Cardinals, although Max Hall is starting already, pretty fast for an undrafted QB. Utah fans have to love that. Saints 28, Falcons 21
Tennessee(2-2) at Dallas(1-2) -7
Who knows what to expect from either of these teams. Boys 27, Titans 15
San Diego(2-2) -7 at Oakland(1-3)
I have SD and Seattle figured out already. Bet with them at home, and against on the road. Bolts 34, Raiders 31
Philadelphia(2-2) at San Francisco(0-4) -4
A real hum-dinger for Sunday Night Football. Hey Ute fans, in case you haven't seen a Niner game in six years: Alex Smith is shitty. I don't care if he looks just like Cody, or even a little bit like me. Niners 37, Eagles 30
Minnesota(1-1) NY Jets(3-1) -4
Its the Brett Favre's junk bowl. Jets 28, Vikes 18
Agree/Disagree? Post below.

Spiral Notes

By Jeremy
Last week: 9-7
Against-the-Spread: 7-9
Season total: 28-20
ATS: 20-24
Lock-of-the-Week: 1-2
Well, the picks have sucked all year, and I'm still hoping for a bounce-back. But to be fair to me, it has been a wacky NFL season. Lets see: the league MVP is Michael Vick, the best receiver in football is a white dude from BYU named Austin Collie, and the undefeated teams are the Chiefs, Bears, and the Steelers minus their quarterback. Yup, pretty fucking weird.
Cincinnati(2-1) -4 at Cleveland(0-3)
Here's a news flash: The Browns are shitty. Bengals 14, Browns 3
Seattle(2-1) -2 at St. Louis(1-2)
I have a feeling that the Seahawks aren't going to win on the road all year. Time to test the theory. Hawks 16, Rams 10
San Francisco(0-3) at Atlanta(2-1) -7
The 49ers, Alex Smith, and possibly Mike Singletary are done for if they lose this game. So, no pressure or anything. Falcons 14, Niners 7
Baltimore(2-1) at Pittsburgh(3-0) -2
The last game without Big Ben. Turns out, they didn't need him. Steelers 13, Ravens 9
Denver(1-2) at Tennessee(2-1) -7
Te-bow! Te-bow! Te-bow! Its almost time, we are one and a half big losses away from the Chosen One's insertion into the Broncos lineup. I'm pumped. Titans 12, Broncs 0
Detroit(0-3) at Green Bay(2-1) -15
The Lions are improved, just not enough to win in Lambo. Pack 28, Loins 10
Carolina(0-3) at New Orleans(2-1) -14
This is actually a tough call, with the way the Saints have been mediocre in all three of their games. Wait, are the Panthers starting Touchdown Jimmy again? Here's your suicide pool pick: Saints 24, Panthers 6
NY Jets(2-1) -6 at Buffalo(0-3)
To say the Bills are shitty is a slap right in the face to other shitty things. Jets 27, Bills 10
Indianapolis(2-1) -9 at Jacksonville(1-2)
It could be Jack Del Rio's farewell game with the Jags. Watch Collie drop another 11 catch/171 yard/2 TD day on thier asses. He's gotta represent for all the mormon-folk at home watching him on conference weekend. Colts 31, Jags 17
Houston(2-1) -4 at Oakland(1-2)
Don't blame the Texans for that Dallas beatdown last week. That was more about the Cowboys declaring their non-death than anything Houston did. Texans 34, Raiders 26
Washington(1-2) at Philadelphia(2-1) -7
Here's the big one everyone's been waiting for: McNabb vs. Vick. Donovan vs. the Eagles asshole fans. Yeah guys, sorry about taking you to the NFC Title Game five straight years, have fun becoming the Bills of the NFC when Vick signs elsewhere next year. But for now: Eagles 14, Washington 6
Arizona(2-1) at San Diego(1-2) -8
Sorry, just don't believe in Phil Rivers, Norv Turner, or the Chargers in general. The Cards defense will give them fits, as long as Derek Anderson/Max Hall don't have a terrible day. Its my first upset special, but also my Take-it-to-Wendover-Lock-of-the-Week: Cards 20, Bolts 15
Chicago(3-0) at NY Giants(1-2) -4
The Bears just seem to be making all of the plays, unlike the Giants, who are finding a way to fuck everything up. This game reminds me of the 1995 Kanab High School Homecoming Game, so watch out for a late punt return touchdown by Casey Glover with an obvious clip that goes uncalled. Upset Special #2: Bears 7, Giants 6
New England(2-1) -1 at Miami(2-1)
I can't call three straight upsets, can I? Yes. I. Can. Upset Special #3: Phins 30, Pats 29
Agree/Disagree? Post below