
By Jeremy
The NBA Playoffs continue without the Jazz. I am only mildly depressed, since I had low expectations going in. But the kids cheered me up the other day when they demanded we watch that all-time classic, Clash of the Titans. You remember this doosy, back in the days when Harry Hamlin had human-colored skin. And for some reason, this battle between good and evil reminded me of another battle going on right now: Lakers vs. Suns.
Lets break it down, space-dweeb style:
Perseus=Amar'e Stoudemire
He may not play defense, but he does play for the good guys. So Amare gets to be the man-half of our heroic couple.
Andromeda=Steve Nash
I should feel bad making Nash the woman, but he's just too damn pretty. But at least he gets to be a good guy, unlike:
The Kraken=Kobe Bryant

He is an evil creature who destroys everything in his path. No argument here. And of course, the Kraken lays waste to:
The City of Argos=Utah Jazz
Poor fuckers.
Poseidon=Phil Jackson
The guy who's responsible for unleashing the Kraken. He is also in charge of controlling it, never an easy task.
Zeus=David Stern
He is the supreme overlord of everything. And sometimes when he doesn't like the outcome, Stern deals with it by sending his team of shitty refs to take care of it. Just like Zeus rescues Perseus after he gets whacked by standing up his action figure.
Pegasus=Jason Richardson
Lets see: Helps the good guys? Check. Can fly? Definitely. Late Addition who makes the difference in toppling the bad guys? We shall see.

Calabasas=Ron Artest
A hideous beast who tempted the fates too many times. Our heroes must vanquish him in order to move on in their quest.
Medusa=Shaq
S/he was formerly a force to be reckoned with, but now s/he's horribly disfigured because s/he was too proud.
Evil Scorpion/Vulture=Gasol/Odom
More evil sidekicks for the Kraken.

Bubo=Goran Dragic
The cute little helper for the good guys, but occasionally comes through when it counts.
The Stygian Witches=NBA Referees
Three bitches that all share one eyeball. That pretty much nails it.
Time for my prediction: In the end, Amare will hold up the severed head of Shaq, which will turn Kobe into stone. Nash and Amare will marry and fly away on Richardson's back. So I guess that means Suns in 7. Boom.
1 comment:
release the kraken.
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