College Prediction Slices

1. Alabama (Mississippi State)- I haven't figured out why, but I really don't want the Tide ebbing and flowing into the championship game. Or on my pants. I think it's the period color of their unis. Tide 45, Rebels 17

2. Texas Tech (Bye)- Harrell and Crabtree get a well-timed reprieve before heading into a season-ending gauntlet stretch at Oklahoma, against Baylor and a possible Big-12 Championship matchup against Chase boys at Missouri.

3. Texas (at Kansas)- Colt McCoy somehow lost traction in the Heisman race despite throwing for five TDs and 300 yards last week. Who the fuck votes on this? Lee Corso? Longhorns 55, Jayhawks 35

4. Florida (South Carolina)- I hate it when people bitch about running up the score. It's not Urban's fault the 'vaunted' SEC defenses can't stop his team. The Gators are averaging more than 43 points per game against the sieves in their conference.

5. Oklahoma (bye)- If the Boomers can figure a way to win out, they deserve a shot at the title...even if we all know they'll choke when they get there. On the docket: Texas Tech, Oklahoma State and maybe Missouri.

6. USC (at Stanford)- I would never root for Pete Carroll's merry band of douches, but I will say this: That Veronica Vaughn is one nice piece of accceeee. Profs 41, Cardinal 21

7. Utah (at SDSU)- I'm praying to Jehosifat that Utah doesn't draw a Big-12 team if they play a BCS game. In my head, that plays out pretty similar to last year's Georgia-Hawaii game. Utes 38, Tropical Warriors 17

8. Penn State (Indiana)- The Fighting Joe Pas may have bit the dust against Iowa, but they're still gonna make the Rose Bowl...which is better than the Big 10 deserves this year. Lions 54, Hoosiers 12

9. Boise State (at Idaho)- Now I know what the rest of college football feels like when Utah ends up going undefeated. Broncs 54, Vandals 7

10. Georgia (at Auburn)- I just want the Dogs to keep losing. It's really nothing against them. I just love seeing Scott try to act the role when they get their ass worked like Tashina. Dogs 16, Tigers 14

11. Ohio State (at Illinois)- Terrelle or Juice? What the fuck is an Illini? ? 24, Buckeyes 23

12. Missouri (at Iowa State)- I'm trying to decide who is more fit: Chase Daniel or Vader Time? Tigers 45, Cyclones 21

13. Oklahoma State (at Colorado)- I'M A MAN!!! I'M 23!!! Cowboys 31, Buffaloes 17

14. Ball State (at Miami, Ohio)- I'm feeling a 15-point win for the Cardinals. Cards 31, Redhawks 16

15. Michigan State (Bye)- State controls its own destiny and can somehow earn a berth to the Rose Bowl if they beat Penn State next week. So that means the illustrious BCS matchup in Pasadena could pit Michigan State against Oregon State. Fucking riveting.

16. North Carolina (at Maryland)- One ESPN columnist said the Heels deserve a BCS matchup more than Utah. I don't have a rebuttal. Just this: You are a fucking idiot. Terps 27, Heels 24

17. BYU (at Air Force)- BYU doesn't like fun. So I don't like them. Falcs 31, Cougs 27

18. TCU (Bye)- Some poor Pac-10 team is gonna get the shit beat out of them in the Las Vegas bowl.

19. Florida State (BC)- The Seminoles are gonna have to earn some scalps in the coming weeks. First the Eagles, then the Terps, then the Gators. The good news? I can make fart noises with my mouth. Seminoles 24, Eagles 23

20. LSU (Troy)- Where is Ryan Perriloux when you need him? Tigers- A lot, Trojans- A little.

21. Pitt (at Cincinnati)-Sadly enough, this game might decide another BCS berth. Fuck this year. That is, unless Utah somehow lucks out and draws one of these shitbirds.

22. Cincinnati (Pitt>- Cincy should sneak away with the win. Bearcats 20, Panthers 13

23. Tulsa (at Houston)- The Hurricane screwed the pooch. Now they're playing for the rights to go to the Meineke Who Gives a Shit Bowl. Golden Hurricane 38, Cougs 24

24. Wake Forest (at NC State)- It looks like I'm done here. Pack 14, Deacs 13

25. South Carolina (at Florida)- What do you tell a team before playing the Gators? I would tell them to stock up on KY, cuz it's gonna hurt.