MVP time

All right bitches, listen up. Kobe getting the MVP is crap. I don't question that he's a great player, just not worthy of the MVP, because he's not the most valuable player. He's a selfish whiny bitch, albeit a very good one. But seriously, give the MVP to Derek Fisher or Pau Gasol or someone that deserves it. Or one of these other leading candidates:

Chris Paul

I mean really, who had the Hornets where they're at before the season? To me this MVP award is a no-contest. CP3 is quicker than any PG out there and gets to where he wants. Plus, we saw him at the Jimmy Kimmel show. No, I don't think they'll beat the Spurs, even with a 2-0 lead. But give the guy some credit. They were the No. 1 seed in the West for a good chunk of the season -- the Hornets. The best division in basketball, and this team that nobody gave 3 shits about was leading the conference. And they'd be the Grizzlies without him.

KG/Ray Allen/Paul Pierce

It's a three-way. Split it up 3 ways because KG is just like Kobe -- he couldn't do it alone so he had to go out and get a lot of help. OK, so in this case he was traded to Boston for a roll of fold-up chairs. But consider just 2 of the 3 ... if Pierce was traded to the T-wolves before the season, would they be as good? Think not. Allen with Pierce on the C's? No good. They need all 3 to be worth a damn, and that's a little pathetic.

Dwight Howard

If you're going off numbers or simply the wow factor, here's your guy. He puts up 20/20s like he's taking out the trash. Call him the young Moses Malone. And remember, some people gave the Magic shit for taking him over Emeka "I sprained my pussy and so I can't play" Okafor. They should've just given him the MVP award for the world after the dunk contest.

Manu Ginobili

He's the best player on the best team. Give him the MVP to go along with the Sixth Man award. Hell, give him the Comeback Player of the Year Award and Coach of the Year award to go with his Flopper of the Year championship belt, which has his name engraved because there's no way that anyone else will hold the title as long as he's in the league.

LeBron James

Guess I have to throw him in here too. Ehh, I don't get enough help. Ehh, I have to do it myself and lead the league in scoring and dunk it with my elbows. There's no doubt LeBron is the best player in the game, but if you can get your team better than a 4 seed in the shitbox East, that's just not gonna do it.